One thing I learn today, if I want to be happy I have learn how to forgive myself and move ahead. Right now it seems I have committed a Himalayan blunder and there is no escape. I have to suffer, self flagellate (something I am quite good at) and wait for some mighty weight to fall upon me and crush me forever. That will be so quick and easy. But how to get out of it and forgive myself and start feeling happy again? It is very easy to feel self loathing and feel depressed. The thought never even crossed my mind that I can forgive myself and feel happy again. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way.
Does forgiving yourself comes easy? I am trying and nowhere near it. But things can’t be the way they are. Wallowing in self guilt is one of the easiest thing on this earth. It makes you feel good. Look I have committed mistake and how miserably I am suffering. SO all others have to do is to cuddle me, console me and pamper me. I don’t have to do anything. Will it work and lead me to happiness? Never. If I have to forgive myself then I have to work hard and make life a satisfying and enriching experience.
Acceptance: I think if I have to learn to forgive myself, I will have to accept that I have erred and I have to take stock of situation and feel the damage I have done. I don’t want to do that gladly because I know I will feel guilty again but this time I will accept my behavior and try to access the damages I have done. That will prevent me from visiting that territory again, I don’t want to go through this acceptance of my wrongdoings again and again. I definitely want fewer such types of incidents in my life.
Ask for Forgiveness : This is the next thing I will do. I will ask for forgiveness from those who suffered due to my actions. I will try and listen to their point of views and how they felt due to my actions. I will be prepared to listen to others views, how they felt, what they expected of me and how I messed up. I think asking others to forgive me will also help me knowing that everything is not about I, ME, MYSELF.
Set Higher Standards for Self: Forgiving myself can be easy if I can raise the bar a bit higher. I can definitely do better next time, if I am cautious and aware. So what I did in the past, I can always learn from it and move ahead. Instead of blaming and cursing myself and in the process feeling depressed, I can try and improve my actions. Why carry wrongdoings of past as a burden around your neck? Why can’t I conduct myself in a better way in present and future and feel satisfied and happy?
Don’t Let Wrongdoings Define Me: I think I have committed mistakes, hurt people, been nasty but that is not the whole me. If I want to forgive myself I have to be self compassionate and look for my positive sides too. I don’t want to work upon my self worth too!
Making Amendments: If I want to forgive myself completely, I have to make amendments. That doesn’t mean I have to set the clock back but I have to be careful in future not to make same kind of mistakes. I have to learn my lessons. If I have learned my lessons completely and truly I will not commit same mistake again in future. So I think forgiving myself ends with making amendments. I will certainly mess up again till I am going to live. But I will not repeat the same mistake over and over again.
You and nasty are oxymoron. 😀
Sometimes is very hard to forgive yourself, when you loose everything.
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A very helpful post….for me esp.
reminds me of the beautiful song by Alanis Morrisette- Sorry to my self
because even though it is the easiest thing to fall in the pit of guilt, it is the worst kind of suffering.I have never known a way out of it.But you are right.All I need to do is to accept that I have done something wrong, learn and never repeat it.Because sometimes there is no scope for even asking for forgiveness.One has to make peace with making the promise to oneself to never repeat it.The fact of the matter is that we all are humans.And not God.We are meant to and bound to err and in the process cause hurt and pain.Most imp thing is to not linger and brood and suffer in the process.But to learn from it and get out! Just like one has to learn to get over pain, one has to learn to get over one’s wrongs and guilts.For some latter is harder.But it is to be done.To be able to ‘live’ our life.