Alka Dwivedi

Category: Relationships

  • The Mother

    A doctor is talking to a mother.

     

    (Doctor) “Where most children grow stronger as they get older, your son is going to get weaker. He’ll lose the ability to move. He’ll lose the ability to breathe on his own. And one day, he’ll catch an infection that will spread into his respiratory system, giving him severe pneumonia . . .”

    She held up her hand to stop him.  “You’re saying he is going to die?”

    He nodded. “There are three types of SMA. Caught this early, your son almost certainly has Type I. Most children with Type I die of pneumonia before the age of two.” He paused. “I’m sorry.”

    What  happened to the child? Did he die after two years due to pneumonia ?

    He caught pneumonia 16 times in 16 years. But he never died. He said his mother never let it happen.

    According to him:

    She orchestrated a team of more than a dozen doctors. She slept in a chair beside me in the hospital, sometimes for as many as 30 days in a row. She pounded my chest and back every two hours to loosen the mucus, covering my chest and back with bruises.

    Today, at 27 years old, I’m one of the oldest people in the world with my type of SMA, and people tell me it’s a miracle. And I agree, it is. But the miracle isn’t just me. It’s a mother who fought like only a mother can to keep me alive.

    His mother fought school board for two years to get his child admitted in the school. Of course, she won. When her child was unable to pick up pencil to do his homework, still his mother refused to be cowed down and she arranged for honors students at local colleges to help his son. His son too never disappointed her and he graduated at the age of 16, not only near the top of his class, but with college credit.

    What happened when the son grew up? He too imbibed the fighting traits from his mother. People used to dismiss him as another disabled person. But he was determined to not rise to people expectations of being a failure.

     

    They (people) don’t proactively hold you back, no, but they don’t expect you to succeed either. I’ve spent my entire life fighting against the weight of those expectations.

    Like when university professors were flabbergasted when, on the first day, I asked my attendant to raise his hand, so I could answer the question that no one else could.

    Or the vaguely constipated look on the face of a venture capitalist when I asked for $500,000 of startup capital for my first software company.

    Or the disbelieving stares of people at a real estate conference when I gave a talk about buying million-dollar homes without even being able to get up the stairs to see the inside of them.

    What egged on the child to succeed?

    How could I possibly look my mother and father and all of the others who have sacrificed so much for me in the eye and tell them, “I can’t?” I couldn’t bear it. The shame of dishonoring their sacrifice by giving up would poison my soul.

    Original Article: On Dying, Mothers, and Fighting for Your Ideas

  • Mother Updates Twitter As Son Lies Dying

     

    mom-tweeted-while-son-dying

    Image Source: Sky News

    I know people use social media and blogging to discuss highly personal matters. No harm in that. Social media and blogging provide you a good tool to vent out your feelings and you really get some good advice from fellow netzians. Today I was reading my tweets and suddenly I came across Tushar Gandhi’s tweet (Tushar is Mahatma Gandhi’s great grandson). When I searched for this news at net, I find this news highly disturbing. Read what The Telegraph has written,

    As paramedics attempted to revive her son Bryson after he was found floating face down in a swimming pool, Shellie Ross sent out a message on Twitter , asking her followers: "Please pray like never before, my 2 yr old fell in the pool."

    Five hours later, when her son was pronounced dead, she again took to the Twitter site to update her 5,000 followers.

    "Remembering my million dollar baby," she wrote.

    Moments later, she posted a photo of her son on the site.

    Her use of Twitter as her son lay dying provoked outrage among the blogging community in the US.

    Police in Florida said they were aware of the "tweets" and would be looking into them as part of their investigation into the drowning.

    Mrs Ross’s public announcement of her son’s death prompted anger from fellow bloggers and Twitter users.

    Many were shocked that she chose to use the social networking site to reveal something so deeply personal.

     

    I know the need to connect with fellow human being is pretty strong. Most of us want to surround us with more and more Homo sapiens but this one lies beyond my scope of comprehension. I tried to read the mother’s tweets but she has protected her tweets. And I was in no mood to send her an invitation.

  • Current Miss India’s mother was Given a Choice, “kill her child or forfeit her marriage”

    What was the reply of the mom?

    “When my mum walked out on my dad, she said to him, ‘One day this girl will make me proud’. All my life I’ve wanted my mum to be proud of the decision that she chose me,” Pooja said.

    This year’s Miss India Pooja Chopra’s father was a commander in the Indian Navy. What an image a girl conjure up of a commander in the Indian Navy? Dashing, smart, suave? None in their wildest dream would think about a wife beater and female infanticidal, philanderer manic who can burn her daughter’s hand when she tried to save her mother from his blows? But that was exactly current Miss India Pooja Chopra’s father.
    What Pooja Chopra, sister Shubhra says about her father,

    Shubhra, who was seven when her mother walked out, remembers it all too clearly. “He used to hammer my mother… When I used to try to save her, he would burn out his cigarette on my hands.” The reason she remembers, Shubhra says, is because she still has the burn scars.

    How her mother Neera Chopra brought them up?

    Now a mother to a girl child herself, Shubhra says, “I want to be the kind of mother my mother was to us. I remember her giving us all the food in the house — we never slept hungry — and tying a dupatta around her stomach. She would say ‘my stomach is paining’, but I knew.”

    What Miss India Pooja Chopra says about her mother?

    “Today, when people call to congratulate me, it’s not me they pay tribute to, but to [my mother’s] life and her struggle. She’s the true woman of substance.”

    But the thing is we have many unsung Neera Chopras who are struggling everyday to bring up their children with dignity and care. Their children might not be thrust into limelight like Pooja Chopra. But still these women of substance are going on with their fight against injustice and cruelty and bringing up their children to live a dignified life. They ought to be saluted too.

  • Dignity, Grace, Optimism and Love

    Elisabeth Fritzl

    Elisabeth Fritzl

    What can one expect from a person who is raped 3000 times for 24 years by her own father and kept in a dungeon when she was just eighteen years old and escaped from that underground hell when she turned 41? Elisabeth Fritzl bore seven children from her own father. Three of her children still wear glasses because they can’t face sunlight. They have never seen sky or felt grass beneath their feet.

    Why that rapist monster chose her daughter? In his words, because she was strong, determined and iron willed. The tougher the victim the greater the victory.

    I was reading all the gory details of rape of this beautiful women whose life could have been completely different if… What amazed me most was this woman’s courage. I was wondering what kept Elisabeth Fritzl alive? Optimistic? Loving to her children? Why didn’t she committed suicide when her own father told her to watch pornography and act accordingly? Why didn’t Elisabeth Fritzl died from internal injury when she gave birth seven times on her own? What ray of hope was keeping her alive when her own father stuffed her with oversized sex toys for hours and relished every moment seeing her writhe in agony? If Elisabeth Fritzl can be courageous under such hellish circumstances then no one has the business to give up on life.

    What she is like? How Elisabeth Fritzl is coping now? I was curious to know. I found details here:

    Berthold Kepplinger, the psychologist in charge of the mental health of the cellar tribe, said of Elisabeth: ‘She is nothing short of heroic. She persevered down there, only keeping going out of love for her children. The mothering instinct saved them all.’

    Those who deal with her have their breath taken away by her courage, love, dignity and pride. In a world of instant fame and celebrity, it came as no surprise when in January this year she was approached by one of the world’s biggest media companies and offered £5 million for an exclusive deal spanning newspapers, magazines, talk shows, a movie and a book. There was no hesitation from Elisabeth: ‘No thanks. Please leave us alone.’

    I wish this courageous woman and her children to find the same strength to survive above the ground which they exhibited in the windowless, concrete grave below the ground. Its true, life starts at 42.

  • Women find men with scars ‘attractive’ for a fling!

    When I was reading this piece, I made two conclusion that adventurous women (or women with low self esteem, I am not saying this, psychiatrists say) seek adventurous men and having scars make you macho and brave! Wow guys, look- its so easy to be macho and brave. So guys, if today you are in a mood for hunting, you know what make up you have to wear!!! 🙂
    Guys, for more detail read this:

    Researchers at the University of Liverpool have found that women view men with scars as being not only adventurous, but also macho and brave — but only if she is looking for a short-term relationship.

    Interestingly, the study has found that once a woman becomes a mother, she is most likely to dump the “bad boy” for a more caring, sharing sort, the ‘Daily Mail’ reported.

    The researchers have based their findings on an analysis of an experiment which they carried out on a group of people to find out how scars influences the sexes in picking partners for both long-term and short-term relationships.

    However, in case of women, the researchers found that men find women with or without scars attractive — the results of which are published in the latest edition of ‘Personality and Individual Differences’ journal.

  • Intimacy – the Best Stress Buster for Couples!

    The result of this research finding is not very different from the obvious. BUT I think that findings hold an element of universal truth. We often feel relieved after sharing our woes with parents or siblings. Kissing, embracing, holding hand, a warm glance of our parents, siblings or friends blow away our blues, no matter in what stage of life we are in.

    Results of a recent study have said that couples who hug and kiss have lower stress hormone levels in their bodies especially if they are married.

    The week long Swiss study by researchers from the University of Zurich in Switzerland, of 51 German couples who were mostly married checked the cortisol levels in their saliva. Cortisol, a hormone in the body, also responsible for several stress-related changes in the body, is secreted by the adrenal glands, has been termed “the stress hormone” because high levels of it are secreted during the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response. Small increases in cortisol have positive effects on the body like helping in proper glucose metabolism and regulation of blood pressure. Higher levels of cortisol are seen in the morning with its lowest levels at night.

    What is more important is we HAVE to nurture, develop and protect this kind of intimacy. It doesn’t spring up naturally. Now the million dollar question is, do we have time for such nurturing and caring?

    Beate Ditzen of Zurich University, who conducted the research said intimacy seemed to improve the hormone levels by boosting the mood. She stressed that it was not intimacy per se that was needed but couples finding things they could do together that would create positive feelings for each other. The definition of intimacy differs from couple to couple and Dr Ditzen said. “This means that there is no specific behavior that couples should show in everyday life. Rather, all kinds of behavior which couples themselves would consider intimate… might be beneficial,” the expert added.

    I wish next they find out how couples develop such kind of intimacy. Because its not a sum total of physical acts only. That will go kaput soon.

  • ‘Hotties’ Not So Hot?

    Is it really true that love is blind? Whatever articles or fiction I read on love paint a rosier than rosy picture of love. But what I have seen in real life is more of a bizarre kind of emotions than actual love. Love makes you think and do many awkward things that you won’t do when you are thinking normally. I have seen sane headed persons behaving in most illogical manner. But a recent online study tell the same thing.

    In an experiment with college students in long-term relationships, researchers at UCLA and the online dating service eHarmony found that asking coeds to reflect on the love they felt for their boyfriends or girlfriends blunted the appeal of especially attractive members of the opposite sex.

    When people are in love they don’t remember the USP of the hot alternatives presented to them such as curvaceous body or toned muscles. Then what do they remember of the “other” hot prospects?

    “These people could remember the color of a shirt or whether the photo was taken in New York, but they didn’t remember anything tempting about the person,” Gonzaga said. “It’s not like their overall memory was impaired; it’s as if they had selectively screened out things that would make them think about the how attractive the alternative was.”
    “One of the biggest threats to a relationship is an attractive alternative to your loved one — or that attractive woman at work or the hot guy you meet in the bar,” Gonzaga said. “In subtle ways that you might not even notice, the gushy feelings you get when you think of your partner help you fend off these threats.”

    So it really seems true that love triumphs all or most of the obstacles. 🙂

  • Relationships

    Today, when I was listening to the news, ”Sanjay Dutt jailed for six years.” I felt quite sad. I remember Monica Bedi. She too had spent more or less five years in jail. Then I remember Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan. What is the matter with these people? Don’t they love their parents, siblings, partners and kids? Or is it all the way I, me, myself route? I will do what I like; rest of you can go to hell. But be there when I mess things up. When everything is back to normal, just leave me alone, my dear family. Is that what they think? Aren’t the family members of these persons bore the burnt of their actions? Isn’t the family of Dutt’s also sentenced to invisible imprisonment? What about Dutt’s daughter? What has she done? Why should she suffer? Hasn’t she suffered already? First losing her mother and then physically separated from her father all the time. When should her ordeal come to an end?

    Instead of delving into the technicalities of the sentence meted out to Sanjay Dutt, I was just thinking, if people simply value people around them, they will be involved into troubles a bit less. If Sanjay Dutt would have paused a bit and thought about his family, he would not have been into drugs and have not been friendly with mafia. The mafia was pestering Shahrukh Khan for six years but instead of falling into their trap, he was intelligent enough to stay clear of these people. Today he is still soaring high in acting sky and happy with his kids and wife.

    But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have an individual within us. That we should only live and die for our family. And that individual shouldn’t clash with the family. It should lock horns with the parents and siblings, but not about my right to take drugs and getting involved with criminals. Drugs and criminals respect no one and ultimately the person will behave accordingly.

    I think one should value relationships in life, be it parents, siblings, cousins or partners. It will stop us from many “shouldn’t dos” in life. We shouldn’t take the affection and love of our people for granted. If we do, most probably we will end up in our own company in the later stage of the life.