‘Treat people the way you want them to treat you’, is the biggest lie on this planet earth and true for Sachin Tendulkar ONLY. If you are not Sachin Tendulkar and treat people nicely without giving them stinkers, they will apply the policy of ‘use and throw’ on you. If you lend a helping hand most of the time, you will be taken for granted. If you go on helping people at the drop of a hat, they will keep dropping you at the drop of a hat.
When I stopped being too nice to people, it actually increased my happiness quotient. Being too nice is the story of my life. Its the natural conclusion that what goes round comes around. So I was actually scared of the mere thought of saying no or being rude to anyone. Does my niceness led me to the path of happiness? The answer is a big NO. Most often I felt so miserable and unhappy. I used to wonder the usual wonder, ‘what have I DONE’ to piss this person off?
Where I live, people tend to behave as they please. If they are in mood, they will say Hi to you otherwise you might be quite invisible standing right there for them. I remember one lady. She came to our house after ten in the night while I was packing for our holiday in mountains. We had an early morning start. She needed to know the house numbers of society kids so that she can invite them for her kid’s birthday party. I welcomed her and did the needful. When few weeks later I saw her in the garden, she ignored me totally. Last year in December, she again knocked at my door and made the same request. I obliged. Now she is back to her usual ignoring self.So if she is coming to my place next time…. 😉
It doesn’t mean I am saying goodbye to my basic nature. But I am certainly going to use my discretion. I am going to pick and chose. Everyone doesn’t deserve my care and attention. Now I too behave in a manner that people think twice before misbehaving with me. Never make yourself too available that people start taking you for granted. Pay attention to your own well being without being selfish.
Having your own personal space is very necessary. If you are not going to create and respect your personal space no one else will. So don’t help people all the time. and learn to say no. Give people opportunity to learn and grow and take responsibility for a while. It will not do them any harm.
People actually have their own set of rules and emotions they care to live by or exhibit. It is a very hard earned lesson but I F-I-N-A-L-L-Y learned it. My good behavior CANT extract good or civilized response from others. Slowly but surely I realized that I can’t control how others behave. What I can control is my own reaction and behavior. That thinking definitely brought me lots of peace and happiness. Taking control of your own behavior and emotions free you from victims mentality too and takes you away from the path of whining and cribbing.
First thing came to mind while reading this blog was ‘it’s so true, it’s happening in my life too’. Well written article.
Anish, thank you for taking time out and writing a comment. Hope you find a way to deal with niceness syndrome. 🙂
try this once, if you wish. the next time you see that woman, go right in front of her and say a loud hello. and then say ‘mainey kitni baar aapko dekha hai yahan lekin aap busy lagti hein..kabhi baat nahi ho paati’. see what she says…
I already did. She is too thick skinned.