Chandigarh among worst in male-female ratio
Aborted female foetuses found in Gurgaon
Judiciary in Punjab steps in to tackle female foeticide
I don’t think I am giving links to any new news. But as always I was wondering what happened to those parents who welcomed female child with open arms? They educated us like their sons. They clothed us better than their sons. They never hesitated even for a second when we pursued professional education. The shine on their faces were brighter than ours, when we got employed in multinationals. Now what have we done in return?
- We treated our salary as pocket money. It never occurred once that we can do something for “our” household. I have seen scores of boys sending some money at least to their mothers every month.
- See, we have become very enlightened. We have many relationships in our hearts and between our legs. We never hesitate in pubbing and clubbing and visiting disc but when its time to get married, again we get the best of BOTH traditional and modern world. We get married with our parents’ money. We try to follow Americans by speaking, writing and having a good time like them, but when it comes to marriage expenses we again become coy traditional Mummy and Daddyjis’ little girls. I have seen very few FEMALES who insisted during marriage that they will mange their fridge, TV, furniture, cutlery etc. The more we can extract from our parents the better.
- After marriage we intimate our parents from time to time, how our in-laws live. How they follow certain standard and how our parents should shower gifts on us and our in-laws on festive seasons keeping THAT standard in mind.
- I have seen one girl to buy jewelry for her mother or one of my cousins to help her father in sorting out financial matters. Otherwise its always the parents who are buying various things for us or bailing their little girls out of miseries.
- Heaven forbids, if one of our parents falls sick, its always the son who will spend money on doctors’ bill.
It is TIME for US to think, what are we doing after being treated fairly and equally by our parents? Have we changed the mindset even of our families? Forget the societies. Are we setting examples by rejecting dowry? Are we willing to look after our parents at any stage of their lives? Have any of us even think of loosening our purse strings for a good holiday for our parents? If not, then why anyone would WANT us? Everybody is here, due to his or her utility value. What value we have ADDED after getting same treatment as a son? Can society proudly proclaim that educated daughters are no headaches? They behave as sons. NO! We have become biggest MAUKATARIANS, enjoying the best of traditional as well modern world.
my sister has the same views that you have projected in here and i feel proud when she speaks about it all…i say to her that even if you may or may not be able do anything but atleast you are conscious about it and that matters…
i know that we can never repay what parents give us in any fair measure…but the minimum we can ever do for them is to be with them when they really need us…as much as possible…they need our love and not the materialistic comfort that can be bought…
Alka ji…ur post may be containing a directional approach but it does apply wholistically…because parents usually never differentiate between their children…
and referring to the female foeticide i would say its rather unfortunate…one may cite reasons galore…nevertheless it is pure cold-blooded murder…and whoever does it cannot be considered a human being at all…
I would say from experience that what you portray is not always the case. My mother is the eldest of 3 siblings, and she and her brothers have always stood by their parents when needed, and my grandparents are proud of all their children. I don’t see her doing any less than her brothers.
But yes, I do know about the kind you’re talking about. The losers who aren’t mentally ready to take the responsibility that comes with the freedom, those who don’t understand the value of their position. Your post is very well directed towards them: only you shouldn’t generalize.
Prancer, I am glad to read your thought this time instead of getting a :-). I agree with what you have written. I’m not rationalizing female foeticide, but trying to say “educated” females have not done much to change the mindset of anyone.
Sudipta, you are right. I am generalizing. Otherwise we would have done away with dowry, dowry deaths and female foeticide amongst educated lot. But we all know this is not reality. Sadly most of us are losers who don’t want responsibility but just want to enjoy the fruits of freedom. In fact I know a couple. Both are doctors. The lady underwent two abortions, because….. and conceived the third time when the fetus was male. But very S-L-O-W-L-Y the scene is changing too.
*applauds*..Hi,Alka..that’s quite a thoughtful post…I never looked at things that way…what girls return to their families…well,times are changing,I agree..I mean, I don’t think we should expect anything from the next generation,nor,they from their next,etc…already, I see people putting their fathers and/or mothers,into old people’s homes, because they cannot let their wives get angry…I know one such gentle person,and,it’s agonizing to think of how happy she used to be,and,the expression on her face when her son came from Canada(The same son she doted on,and,spent her savings,going to visit,regularly), and,proudly said’Mom,I’m paying the charges- I found a good old people’s home to take care of you.’Sigh..
The point is- what did the wife of the gentleman think,when she was forcing her husband to put his aged Mother in a Home?I am sure she’ll get the same treatment some day,or,worse.(Like,being kicked out by her kids)
Gurl!! These are some of the most original thoughts I have heard from a gurl. Great!! A small spark can light up the room. Ye are starting it.
It’s unfortunate there is a need till today to spread this message in a land where people worship women goddesses. Where the scriptures glorify the power of a woman.
It indeed is a shame.
Hi Alka… My God…That was a thought provoking post… Really really time to look inwards for a change huh….
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1395/598290830_d007a17943.jpg?v=0
Somehow Girls are only responsible. Atleast metro girls, who work in big IT firms, earns Lakhs still willing to take all that luxuries from their parents side.
Wow !
Great post Alka !
You sound really agitated and seems like these words came from you heart and not head. I really appreciate your views.
On the lighter side, for a moment I was thinking ‘Alka’ is exclusivsly girl name or not π
Never thought that way. And, I agree. I am not sure why girls are conditioned that way. But like someone said many of them wants to do but may not be earning. Like my sister. She wants to a lot, but she can’t.
When come to think of it, even I am not doing enough. I can’t never howmuch ever I try.
AmitL, that is what I want to say. Where is that mother’s daughter? Why can’t she do anything?
White Magpie, I used to think like that since childhood. My relatives always warned my parents that no one would like a girl who indulge in so much debate! π
Purva, I agree. But we have to at least try to change the mindset of at least of our near and dear ones. We have to move forward and take responsibility.
Ritu, is it not the truth? We try to have the best of both worlds?
Paavani, I agree.
Praney “I was thinking Γ’β¬ΛAlkaΓ’β¬β’ is exclusivsly girl name or not :)” You bet. π
Manish, At least your sister is thinking in those terms. People don’t even give it a thought.
Its a brave article. Seems so true. I wonder how girls behave after they get married. Do they still beleive in keeping their “pocket money” to themselves?
Send yer relatives to me π
Alka,me being a father of two young daughters is very glad to hear this.
I really never felt any difference and neither me nor my wife ever craved for a son.even if we could afford,we never tried to take a chance and go for a son.I think,emotionally,we could not afford another child…anyway,if this is precisely how the girls think and act,then we can get rid of this curse of female infanticide.
Merely making laws and shouting from roof tops is not going to help.If you ban prenatal sex determination,people will resort to illegal ways.You make laws and you get thousands of ways to circumvent that.
I feel that if girls act and behave in the way you suggested,more and more parents like us will be encouraged.And,slowly but surely things will improve for better.
PI.
Prudent Indian, modern educated earning good salaried girls are showing dualism. And it pains me a lot. If parents are treating some of the girls equally they better bear the responsibilities too.
wowoie
bingo! you said it!
i always feel that gals today have the best of both worlds! they get privileged positions, jump queues, get equal education and equal inheritance apart from the dowry and the special gifts u mentioned. Tis time we became equals and took up our responsibilities equally. I can say with pride that even tho i got married in 1979 i took abs minimum from my parents. I hate any gifts given for the reason that i am a DAUGHTER.
But alka ..yes. My heart is saddened coz i cannot today wen they need us bring them to my house. My husband is very liberal and would welcome them but my brother does not want them and would not let us sisters help too. They are lonely. If i were a son…….. i could have been more insistent.
But today I feel the situation is different! girls truly are equal. when i think of my old age i dont know why but in my minds eye i see my daughter rather than my son!!!!!!! strange but thats the way it is…. It could be anyone actually son or daughter who looks after em ….it depends on the sense of love and duty in the child!
hats off for this article
Alka
I love this piece. Well done. Infact, I have just looked through your blog – its brilliant!
Rita
Thank you Rita. Do you have a blog?