I was reading some newspaper supplement, few weeks ago. Here a fresh divorcee was trying his best to come to terms with his new found status. Someone suggested, that he should ask his close relatives and friends for the cause of his divorce. Idea was appealing and the person distributed blank sheets to the near and dear ones. He even included his ex-mom-in-law for her opinion.
I was full of admiration for this guy. He was leaving no stone unturned for his peace of mind. This path is suggested by many. Coming to terms with what happened in your life. Face it squarely. Make peace with it and then move ahead.
But my ears started emitting fume, when he mentioned the current gal in his life. There was a name for her, “My Rebound Love.� I was amazed at the guys cowardice. He was not yet over with his broken relationship, still he has gone ahead with another one. We see it happening everywhere. Have we matured as suckers? Have we left all sense of fairness and decency to self and others?
Why we have turned into cold, manipulative, calculative zombies? Don’t our parents and elders imparted us an iota of self restrain and courage? We are so weak that we can’t live with ourselves for few months? We constantly need attention and admiration at the cost of another person’s feelings? Imagine, one has just suffered a heartache and moving with the awareness that icy fingers are tightly clutching the heart, but one is ready to transfer the same feelings to “Rebound Loveâ€?. Just because he / she is a perfect gutless wonder and doesn’t want to face the realities of life staring at him / her.
Can’t we give us some time to settle things? Doesn’t “REBOUND LOVEâ€? has feelings and a heart which is also breakable just like ours? I remember a movie, “Vijetaâ€? where a character remakrs, “Eak spin se nikle nahi, doosare mei phans gaye.â€? When we ourselves are in emotional flux and aren’t sure of what we want, then why go ahead and have a “Rebound Loverâ€?? Or playing with others’ emotions is our national time pass apart from cricket?
I strongly believe, like boomerang things will revert to us with the same speed and force. If I am treating someone as “Rebound Loveâ€?, I too will become the same for someone sooner or later and I will hear terms like YOU ARE “My Holiday Loveâ€? or “My New Year Eve Loveâ€? or “My Current Journey Loveâ€? or “My One Day Loveâ€? or “My Hip Hop Night Loveâ€? or “My Rainy Night Loveâ€? (specially in Indian context 🙂 ) or “My coffee Break Loveâ€? or “My breakfast Loveâ€?……………..
well, the thing is that this is nothing new. It is indeed all around us. But then, who knows, maybe his new gal was the reason for his divorce!! 😉
Amit, No that gal was his “rebound love” and he had no shame in declaring it! And the question is not newness or oldness of the issue, but playing with other’s feelings and in the process hurling the same abuse the person himself suffered. You can call me old fashioned, but I have very high reservation as far as exploiting someone’s feeling is concerned or running into someone’s arm for solace then dropping that person as a hot brick, when I am done with my grief.
I am agree. And todays world it’s happening more as people are becoming more acceptable and bold in saying/doing all this.
PS: Yes, I am supposed to write par likhna to door ki baat I haven’t read other blogs from a time 🙁
Love is a word of convinience. We define it our way probably leaving scope for popular belief, when we are done, we change the meaning. Over abused as it is, its an unholy word to adopt to adult relations.
i think he was doing a cleanup on his previous job before moving on to next one..and maybe getting some sympathy votes from rebound 🙂
Well what to say … the situation is an unimaginable one for me, that is, getting divorced, and immediately sought a new love. This is really shocking.
What are these people – rolling stones ? Can’t they pause, reflect and recollect? Seems everything has become a commodity for the people, inlcluding the relationships and human beings behind them.
what to do if ppl r really like that?… not few but many… and what if these dont find anything wrong if they are treated same way?…
u also admired the guy for facing truth and truth is that ppl can really move ahead… and even rebound love dont find it wrong… who are we complain abt other’s way if it doesnt hurts anyone??? guy is enjoying as well as rebound love…
anyone’s feeling is a bit personal matter and no one should publicise such thing, he too did wrong, if he needs divorce & things doesn’t sort out then go get it. Now-a-days people are getting more selfish that’s why this kind of thing is more common or they are weak from inside and scared to live alone. Basically those people needs companion rather than love so for them no rebound love. Still there is some genuine cases but most of the time I don’t buy divorce theory.
gosh, this is a serious business. i am amazed at how well u put ur point, with respect to our elders and culture. but there are a lot of people this immature, and we dont really know wot to do – coz its not in the movies and these days, even elders act so practically and materially… i mean, ur post teaches a lot. but thr are a few who think like u. we need more ppl to have this much maturiy.
in the end, its all of a personal matter of the individual, I agree with Tarun. its no business of ours to comment on his “rebound love” or divorce or anything. by expressing our dissent on it & citing what our culture is about & what not, we are doing the same thing as those hooligans in RSS, VHP etc. do. what someone does with his private life, whether he/she has a 1000 affairs or not, its their personal issue, they do what they think is right for them & that should be enough for others as long as its not hurting them in anyway physically or financially!!
Beautiful Life If I can write in present circumstances, believe me you too CAN!!! :-)So keep posting.
Mallik, I agree with you. Love is the most used and abused word and lost its beauty and meaning.
Ankur, I read your posts too. But was unable to post comments.
Manish, I too wanted to say something like that. But of course I can’t write as good as you.
Soumya, Liking people anything and majority of them being like this, don’t mean that we can’t write about what we feel. And who says, the guy is enjoying? If he was really enjoying and “moved ahead” when why that survey about past love and marriage?
Tarun, I agree with you.”I”, “Me”, “Myself” syndrome is even affecting children.
Girl, I agree this is serious business. Thanks for taking time out and commenting. And I agree that I am in minority and writing outdated things.
Amit, it seems you have not even read the first line of the post.I read it in a newspaper suppliment and then the matter is not private but public and I am fully entitled to write my opinion. And nowhere I have mentioned what our culture is, because I myself don’t know what our culture is. So before mentioning RSS, VHP care a bit to read the post. “Culture” word appears nowhere in my post. BUT i can undersdtand, these days Its fashionable to use words like RSS and VHP. AND I don’t have any problem if a person have lakhs of affairs AT THE SAME TIME. But don’t call it “Love.” Lets be honest and term it as such, “Affairs.” And I DON’T THINK THAT WE SHOULD BE CRUDE ENOUGH, that unless and until something get physical or financial, we shouldn’t react. If emotional abuse doesn’t figure in your dictionary, then its alright.
love oh love oh love 😀
It is too bad people want to talk about a marrge only after it is broken. Isnt it always better to talk as soon as you find things are not as well as they should be?
“Someone loves me and needs me.” It can also be to affirm “I wasn’t at fault in the breakup, this relationship will prove that.” Most of these rebound relationships are not permanent, and they can be even more destructive than the earlier breakup,I believe…
dunno much abt love or the rebound aspect of it. but dont u think u might actually b gettin too critical? i mean it takes all kind of people to make this world.
PS: first time i saw this template. luks nice n clean.
Hi,Alka…nicely expressed thoughts. It made me wonder.Yes,people are weakminded enough to want constant support and reassurance that their ‘image’ is intact. And,believe me, I’ve seen it out here..an Indian only, trying to get fresh with a gal 15 years his junior,after telling her his sob story about his divorce..but,the gal was smart enough to kick him off.On the other hand,after seeing four years of Dubai society, I think,in this maze of the rat race and people constantly trying to find the easiest way to win,things like moral values and family upbringing are forgotten.Sad,but,true.I guess,as long as one’s own conscience is clean,there’s not much one can do to make others see reason.
btw,do check out the pic in my new post.u’ll luv it,guaranteed.
yes I did read it & I’m very well in acceptance that everyone’s entitled to their opinion, ofcourse, its a democracy afterall!! 🙂 its just that, personally, I don’t like it when people discuss other people’s personal life like their love affairs or girlfriends or marriage or divorce, it sort of makes me feel creepy, if you know what I’m talking about. so I generally avoid these kinda discussions!! 🙂
I didn’t say that you mentioned “culture” or anything like that, I just quoted as a precedent, an example. you perhaps took my words a bit too close to your heart(which you shouldn’t have)!! 😉 maybe you thought that I was insulting you or something, which I wasn’t, so please don’t fly off the handle, I’m still a nice guy!! 🙂
well, you wouldn’t believe that the definition of “love” is so skewed that it means different to every individual, not having an official definition doesn’t help either!! 😉 its just a point of view & I’m sure that you would agree that everyone has their own point of view. maybe you might think that this “rebound love” of his is not love, maybe its not, but then it might be, only he knows. besides, the girl(his rebound love) isn’t naive(we assume this ofcourse), so no evil work at play. I won’t say anymore on this here, doesn’t look you took my comments in the right way(you seem to be quite upset with them), but I’ll rant about it on my own blog with another incident of which I came to know just yesterday!! 🙂
have posted my rant at http://www.amitgupta.in/2006/03/10/time-wastage/
Well – I’ll just comment on one line in this post, the line in question being:
“Why we have turned into cold, manipulative, calculative zombies?”
Have we indeed, are we much worse off than the earlier generation? Are we ethically dying as a species? I doubt if such collasal, far reaching conclusions on the general human condition can be made from this post. Are there nuances here, isn’t the need for “love” (of whatever kinds, rainy, ephemeral, calculative) something that we have lived for years. I wonder about “speed dating”. Read Malcolm Galdwell’s “Blink” – it is actually about thin slicing, gut reactions, more primitive than the mating rituals otherwise.
Do I have the answers, no – what do I know. I just watch Paris Hilton strutting her stuff while drinking some beer 😉
Ashish Singh, it was reaction to a guy’s blatant, inhuman mockery of love. Very proudly, he was declaring to the world, “My rebound love” that means he himself is proclaiming to everyone what feeling he has for his current interest without any shame or guilt.
Of course no general conclusion can be drawn. If I look hard enough, I can still find genuine human beings who have emotions other than getting even 🙂
Please leave a link of your blog.